Chapter 98 – Inner Turmoil

Yu Sheng had never been able to understand Qin Huan.

She couldn’t deny that Qin Huan had taught her a great deal, but he had also given her years of accumulated pressure.

The Yu couple recognized her when they came to pick up Yu Zhihuai. At first, Yu Sheng didn’t want to acknowledge them, but somehow, they ran to Qin Huan and poured out their grievances.

Yu Sheng had words about why she was abandoned back then, but Qin Huan only told her that the grace of parental birth and upbringing is greater than heaven.

Qin Huan’s eloquence was truly good, and he understood many principles. His words were so moving they could stir heaven and earth. Yu Sheng’s heart softened, and she acknowledged them.

Qin Huan said, “They are your birth parents. They had their difficulties. As their child, you shouldn’t hold a grudge against them.”

Yu Sheng also hoped they had their difficulties. She also hoped to have parents by her side. She didn’t ask for their meticulous care, only that they wouldn’t abandon her without hesitation at certain critical moments.

The first time, with trepidation, she brought gifts home for the holiday. As soon as she put the things down, she was told to start the fire and cook.

People can sense the sincerity or falseness in others.

Later, she could understand her parents’ difficulties. She could understand the choice to abandon a burden under hunger and cold. She could even praise their iron-heartedness and rationality, and their foolish, sun-and-moon-witnessed loyalty to their masters, never abandoning them.

She understood, but she never forgave.

If she forgave, how could she account for those years of her life hanging between life and death?

She had always been a light sleeper, waking at the slightest noise. It wasn’t until she entered the Qingbai Mountain Community School, until she became excellent enough to study under Qin Huan, that she felt a little at ease.

But Qin Huan gave her another kind of urgency.

This teacher of hers, who appeared in Master Yangming’s study—didn’t he know the Yu couple’s intentions?

Knowing, why did he allow it, even tacitly approve?

Yu Sheng was silent for a moment, then her face turned cold. “If giving up the spot means severing the father-daughter bond, is it worth it?”

Yu Shu cursed, calling her ungrateful and shameless. Yu Feng pulled his wife up and said impatiently, “Yes, yes, yes. Remember your words. Go tell Master Yangming now.”

The Yu couple didn’t trust her and supervised her all the way to the Hall of Classical Studies.

Yu Sheng came to Master Yangming’s study again. This time, Qin Huan wasn’t there.

She bowed. “This student voluntarily renounces the recommendation qualification.”

Master Yangming, with his hands behind his back, walked to the bookshelves and pulled out a box. “Do you know why I called you here today?”

“I do not know.”

Master Yangming placed the box on the desk. It was sealed with the Office of Celestial Affairs’ stamp.

Inside was the recommendation credential.

Seeing Yu Sheng silent, Master Yangming softened his tone. “Can you tell me why you’re giving it up?”

He had a feeling it was related to Qin Huan telling her to go home first, but he didn’t want to interfere in her private affairs arbitrarily.

“Yu Sheng, this opportunity is rare. You should know how much weight those recommended carry—it’s not something you can compare with passing the exam on your own.”

Being recommended by the Community School represented the recognition of all the teachers and made one a primary focus of the Office of Celestial Affairs.

Yu Sheng stood firm, with a hint of determination. “I renounce it.”

Master Yangming had no choice. “As long as you don’t regret it.”

He watched this student leave, paced back and forth in the study a few times, then gathered the teachers of the arts and Culture Committee. “Yu Sheng has given up her spot. Let’s choose again.”

Yu Sheng had received the majority vote for recommendation, so from the vote count, it wasn’t clear who was better between Fan Siyuan and Yu Zhihuai. Thus, they needed to recommend again.

Teacher Lin couldn’t believe it. “Why would she give it up when everything was fine? Given her nature, she’s not the type who insists on proving herself through the unified exam.”

“Let’s not bring this up anymore,” Master Yangming said, glancing at Qin Huan who didn’t seem surprised, and frowned inwardly. “Let’s recommend one from Fan Siyuan and Yu Zhihuai first.”

“Fan Siyuan, first in Plum Gazing Lodge, good character, clean background, and now in the Postnatal realm of martial arts.”

“I choose Yu Zhihuai. His scholarship is top-notch, he’s highly motivated, respects teachers and values the Way, and his cultivation foundation isn’t bad either.”

The teachers each made their recommendations. When it was Qin Huan’s turn, he chose Yu Zhihuai.

Several of them weren’t surprised. Last time during the recommendation, he hadn’t chosen his own disciple but picked Yu Zhihuai. Everyone just thought he was avoiding favoritism.

But last time he only reported a name. This time, he unprecedentedly gave a reason. “This child has a resilient temperament, dares to take responsibility, values relationships, and can shoulder great responsibilities.”

Teacher Lin sneered. “Where do you see his resilient temperament? Just because he stubbornly sticks to you?!”

Qin Huan wasn’t angry and explained clearly, “I didn’t choose Yu Sheng because she lacks gratitude and tolerance, and can’t handle family matters. If even her own parents think her virtue is problematic, what qualification does she have to enter the Office of Celestial Affairs and manage the affairs of the world?”

“As for Yu Zhihuai, his desire to learn is very strong, and he respects teachers and values the Way. The family, servants, and friends around him are also very united and harmonious, showing signs of self-cultivation and family harmony.”

“Can those parents of hers even be called parents?! Ignoring your own good disciple, what are you meddling for? If you have the ability, take Yu Zhihuai as your disciple and give Yu Sheng to me!” Teacher Lin was furious. If he hadn’t overslept back then, such a good child wouldn’t have become Qin Huan’s student.

“You’ve read history in vain, yet you’re blind!”

“Teacher Lin, calm down, calm down,” everyone advised repeatedly.

Qin Huan watched coldly. “I know my student well. No need for your concern.”

“You say less too,” Master Yangming tried to pull the topic back. “Let’s finalize the recommendation candidate first. Teacher Lin, who do you recommend?”

Teacher Lin, still angry, blurted out, “I recommend Yi Zhan. Their political sensitivity is much higher than yours. Not to mention the Office of Celestial Affairs, they could even go to the Council of Elders!”

Master Yangming didn’t expect a third person to emerge. “This…”

Meanwhile, Yu Sheng was strolling along the mountain path. She knew the depression accumulated over the years had reached a critical point, then erupted under the not-so-heart-piercing hints from the Yu couple and her teacher. This eruption was silent and continuous, to the point where it made her weary of the past and the future.

She needed sound to wash away this emotion, so she came to the mountain stream. The water rushed down from between the rocks, roaring loudly.

Suddenly, her gaze fixed. A fishing rod was stuck in a crevice on the bank, its thin line hanging into the rushing water.

Who was so foolish as to fish at the upstream drainage outlet?

Yu Sheng sat hugging her knees by the fishing rod, gazing emptily at the fishing line. The line was so thin, sometimes soft and undulating with the water, sometimes pulled taut by the strong waves. The entire line was stretched straight, and even the rod trembled slightly, as if it would be swept into the water the next moment.

She seemed to see a realistic portrayal of an era. The fishing line was like a person, the survival structure like the rushing water. Whether to go with the flow or be shattered and destroyed was entirely not up to oneself.

She watched like that for an hour, until the bell startled the birds into flight.

“What are you doing here?” Zhan Changfeng approached and saw the dazed girl, looking like a drifter lost on the waves.

She knew Yu Sheng didn’t have to attend every class, as the progress taught at Orchid Heart Pavilion was quite behind for her. More often, she went to the Hall of Classical Studies for extra tutoring or discussed current affairs with those from Plum Gazing Lodge.

Yu Sheng turned her face to look at her gloomily, making Zhan Changfeng’s brow twitch. “Miss, life is still long. Don’t think of doing anything rash.”

“…” Yu Sheng looked back at the flowing water and sighed. “I am a bit troubled.”

Zhan Changfeng was slightly surprised, not expecting her to admit it directly.

Zhan Changfeng, whenever she met someone, would subconsciously analyze their personality from aspects like facial features, behavior, speech, and temperament to ensure her foresight.

So the first time she saw Yu Sheng, she knew this was a very patient person. For a patient person to admit they’re unhappy, it meant the taut string was about to break.

“Some confusions become clear after you say them out loud,” Zhan Changfeng added. “I won’t listen.”

Yu Sheng indeed saw her sitting cross-legged in meditation, paying no attention to outside matters, and couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Are you comforting me?”

She rested her chin on her knees and really laughed. A cold person was actually comforting her.

Actually, after listening to the sound of water for so long, the emotional hurt brought by the Yu couple had already been washed away.

What depressed her were some deeper reasons.

Yu Sheng became Qin Huan’s disciple at age nine. Many of her perceptions were influenced by him, but she was full of doubts about his advocated filial piety and self-cultivation theories.

Your friend Zhan the Chatterbox is about to come online.

(End of Chapter)